JOHN - ISOLATION RECORD ATTEMPT

In his world record breaking attempt, my colleague John (Britain’s first person to go into self-isolation three weeks prior to Covid-19 being invented) is still maintaining that he’s the hardest working person at home and in turn has no plans to come out of lock down despite the rest of Europe (excluding Leicester), the Middle East and sub-Saharan Africa getting back to relative normality.

Following recent scientific advice from SAGE that smoking fifty three Marlboro a day is now believed to create a powerful barrier against Covid-19 due to its antisocial distancing properties and when combined with playing golf reduces the ‘R’ rate for a person in the ‘FLB’ category to 0.1 it was thought that John would consider stepping back into the office until he realised that making seven extraneous phone calls to the office a day was still amusingly being accepted by the company as being really hard working.

bitter? twisted? errr, that'll be me then.